Why do I even try anymore?
(via despairing-soul)
What did earth say to the other planets?
You guys have no life.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A Roamin’ Catholic
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
What is the definition of a farmer?
Someone who is outstanding in his field.
What do you call a cow who has just given birth?
Decalfinated.
What does an angry pepper do?
It gets Jalapeño business!
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
Dam!
What’s pink an fluffy?
Pink fluff
What’s blue and fluffy?
A pink fluff holding its breath.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one.
Where does Napoleon keep his armies?
In his sleevies.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles
What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence?
Udder destruction
What do you call fake spaghetti?
Impasta
Where do poor meatballs live?
In the spaghetto
. Why did the office name their printer bob Marley?
‘Cause it be jammin’.
Why did the fruit have a big wedding?
Because it cantaloupe.
Why was the energizer bunny arrested?
Because he was charged with battery.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An in-vest-igator.
What’s the difference between a raccoon and a TV?
A lot.
I could go on for days…
Do you know whats really odd?
Just about every other number.
What do you call a seagull who flies over a bay?
Bagel.
How does the barber get to work early?
He know all shortcuts.
What you call a man with spade on his head?
Doug.
What do you call a man floating in the middle of the ocean?
Bob
What do you call a man lying down in a pile of leaves?
Russel.
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
What do you call a man on your porch?
Matt.
What do you call a man hanging on your wall?
Art.
What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack.
What do you call a man floating in a kettle of hot water?
Stu.
What do you call a woman in the middle of a tennis court:
Annette.
What do you call a man spread over the garden?
Pete.
Do you know whats really odd?
Just about every other number.
What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.
What did earth say to the other planets?
You guys have no life.
More?
What kind of dinosaur tries the hardest?
A try-ceratops
How do you scare away bad bugs?
Call the S.W.A.T. Team
Why did the pie go to the dentist?
It needed a filling.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese.
What do you call a dinosaur who crashes his car?
T-wrecks
Why did the doctor tell the pony to gargle?
Because it was a little horse.
How is a piece of gum like a sneeze?
It’s a chew.
What happens if you drink 8 cokes?
You burp 7up
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
Rrrrrrrr… But his true love is the C.
Why does Ron Jeremy sit down to pee?
Because a man his age shouldn’t do any heavy lifting.
What happened to the illegally parked frog?
He got toad.
What do you call a camel with no hump?
Humphrey
What is it called when a cow plays with itself?
Beef stroganoff.
How did Dr. Frankenstein keep his breath fresh?
Experi-mints.
What happened when man invented the wheel?
Revolution.
What happens when you leave corn out for too long?
It gets cob webs.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk
What does the mushroom have the best parties?
He’s a fungi
How do you make a rock float?
With ice cream and root beer!
What kind of fruit can fix your sink?
A plumb-er
What happens when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
Frostbite!
I think thats enough for today.
neverc0ntent